I've never been good at this. Putting my thoughts, my voice, out into the world. I know, I'm a preacher. It's supposed to be easy for me. It's not. Always so self conscious about what i might say that someone might not like....which is strange because i say plenty of things some folks don't like all the time. Like..Black Lives Matter and End Mass Incarceration and Inclusive Welcome to LGBTQ Folks and... well, you get the idea. And i say these things because i understand them to be directly related to the gospel that i preach on Sunday mornings. In fact, i think these messages of good news can't be separated from what Jesus was about here in the world. And right now, not that i put my trust in ANY politician to fill the role of Jesus, I am horrified by the election of someone who so clearly does not care about the vulnerable and marginalized people in this world...not to mention his incredibly misogynist mindset that glorifies rape culture. And so, I am writing, even though it is hard for me. I get mad at myself for not writing a lot more; mostly when I think of all the terrible things that are being put out into the world by folks who are incredibly bigoted and hateful. I try to tell myself that nothing i could say would be that bad, even if it's not perfect. Mostly, i need to overcome this idea that i am not good enough to say what needs to be said. As some in my faith tradition might say, 'it's a trick of the devil.' In other words, I let my own fear stop me from saying what not only I need to say, but what others often need to hear. So, I get depressed and the world just stays the same. Because if indeed Silence = Consent, then i cannot be silent, for I do not consent to a world where bullies rule the day and institutional oppression is considered acceptable. I dissent. Baptist folks used to be good at this. Can you believe it? Baptists. I want to be in that line of folks who said/say no to tyranny and who work for liberation for all God's people. I don't know if anyone is reading this, but it doesn't matter. It's less about it being seen, than it is about me putting it out there. So, here it is.

just because

It is a Friday night. Yesterday I was able to hear Diana Butler Bass speak at Andover Newton Theological School. She was great to listen to. And, of course, she is an amazing writer. Not even sure how many books she has written in the last ten years...6,7? A lot. An awful lot. I need/want to be a better writer. It is a love/hate relationship. The problem I know is that in order to really be a good writer one has to have discipline...one must sit down and write everyday. It's just like anything else, it requires practice. It's not that I'm a bad writer when it comes down to it, I've always been able to do well in school and write a sermon or article when I needed/wanted to...although the first years of my preaching career were pretty traumatic. Lots of late night panic attacks. Part of the problem I think is that I get too invested in what others will think of the writing or how they will respond to it instead of keeping focused on writing as a way to express my voice. I don't want to look stupid. The thing is, I know I have some good things to say, some important insights to share...I mean if those bizar

re right wing guys can go on and on and on, surely I put my truth out there...it's not nearly as stupid as most of the stuff folks hear. In fact, it might even be helpful. Who knows? But I do know that I would like to be better at sharing my thoughts and telling my stories than I have been. Maybe the only way to do that is to sit down and write and risk looking idiotic every time I hit the "publish" button. Or maybe it will be like therapy, only cheaper. I don't want to dump my crap into the world, I don't want to say things I'll regret or throw anyone under the bus and at the same time, I think I do need to "teach my mouth to say what's in my heart." This saying from one of the desert fathers was my 'thought' for the week when I was in Santa Fe with a group of American Baptist women pastors. How to put this into practice with both boldness and grace seems to be a continuing issue in my life.

Okay. I am very happy that President Obama won the election and very happy to live in Massachusetts.

Not much damage from Hurricane Sandy here in Jamaica Plain. NYC and NJ and so many other places can't say same. Praying for those displaced. Check out Church World Service if you want to make a donation. Already had a conversation about atonement this morning. Phew.

Getting stuff ready for the newsletter today. late. as usual! we didn't have any storm damage here. praying for all those who are enduring power outages, flooding etc... i am thinking that perhaps if i begin to write the mundane things down i can get past this blockage about writing. it drives me crazy that some folks can have no unpublished thought and i can't seem to get my thoughts down at all sometimes. anybody else ever feel that way? surely it can't be just me...intimidated by the prolific writers. hmm. Dishwasher guy is here now...oh and he is the oven guy as well. why do appliances always seem to break in pairs or groups even? i'm tempted to say that at least the fridge is working (despite the cricket who has made a home behind said appliance) but i am worried that if i get too happy about it, fridge will be next on dead appliance list. if only the appliances could apply themselves and keep working. another item on my agenda today is to come up with a stewardship theme. How about: "give your money" or "defeat the deficit"... no, probably not. I do have some real ideas though. only problem is that i can't find the piece of paper on which i wrote them. Figures. Tomorrow is Halloween. Am doing my first Halloween wedding. Rumor is that the bride will dress in black. it is a classic color. Was considering wearing my own Elvira dress, but have decided against it. :) Guess the black preacher robe will have to suffice. Okay, i am done writing now.

What if i used this blog to just write anything. nothing profound or interesting. just stuff? would i write more then? hmm. who knows. today i have the cold that won't die. really just won't. had it for about three weeks now. killer headache comes with. really attractive cold sore too. :) so much fun. and now i get to be the taxi driver for my kids all afternoon!! zoom zoom.

family vacation

we have spent a number of hours tonight planning our family vacation...we're heading down to KY to see my parents, but on the way we are going to learn about the underground railroad....mycah says "it's not a railroad and it's not underground...it's a lie."  "No,", says Naim, "it's a code."  So there you go--  check it out:  .http://freedomcenter.org/underground-railroad/history/what/